Destroyer of Planets: Book 1 of the Neon Octopus Overlord Series Read online

  She stood and rose to full height.

  "Is that what you really want?" She was just gloating now. "For me to come to more of these useless meetings? Think long and hard before demanding my presence again."

  Humiliating them might push them to read and understand the Inquiry itself, but she doubted it. They were lazy and stupid. And she’d made her point well enough.

  She sipped her coffee. It was perfect and perky and warm. And the timing was spot on too. This couldn't have gone better. Now she could get back to her plan. To her pretty pet, Drexyl. She had bigger things to deal with. She had to take care of Kirian. This whole Intergalactic Inquiry thing had to be nipped in the bud.

  "Did you make it?" Brad asked Trisha. He leaned against the jail cell wall.

  "Nope," Trisha replied, holding what was probably a sprained left wrist still.

  "First time being arrested?" he asked.

  "Yep."

  "You're doing pretty well, then. I hope it won't hurt your career," he said.

  "No, it'll probably add to my cred. It may even help my thesis. But not as much as a denial from the Overseer herself would have."

  "So, who's going to bail us out now?"

  "Oh, my college has a satellite office here, they'll come and get us. I'll vouch for you."

  "Thanks," he said. "You almost got there, you know. I heard the security people talking about it."

  "Oh, I was close. It's true. I caught sight of her."

  "You did?"

  "Yup," Trisha said. "She was barely from me to that water cooler." She pointed. “She was right there in front of me. For a moment, I'm pretty sure we made eye contact.” She reflected on the encounter for a moment. “Oh, I'm sorry, but she looked an awful lot like an octopus to me."

  "That's alright," he said.

  “Thanks anyway, for trying to help me,” Trisha said. She pulled a business card out of her pocket with her good hand. "I'll be spending most of the next few days researching Celestial anyway, so if you hear anything, will you give me a call?"

  Soda laughed all the way back to her lair. She felt considerably better than she did on the trip to the board meeting. She had suspected that the board members were too stupid to figure out what was going on, and now they were too scared to as well. All she needed to do was get back to where she was happiest and comfortable, her lair. And also, to get out of the uncomfortable dress jeans.

  She arrived and threw open the door. Drexyl was there, as always. She smiled at him.

  "Good news. The board is a bunch of morons who couldn't understand the math. The Inquiry was utter Greek to them. And I'm pretty sure that I scared them out of even trying to hire a translator. I think we're in the clear."

  Drexyl deflated a little at the news.

  He's just tired and pretty. He can't understand all of the nuances of being Supreme Overseer the way I can.

  "And that brings us to our next very important topic. Reptar."

  "Did I say Reptar?" Drexyl asked, "what I really meant was Yysmeoa. That's where the Intergalactic Inquiry originated from."

  Damn him and the stars, covering for Kirian. He had the Supreme Overseer, right here in front of him. Soda was trying to be patient and give him time to get over his crush, but she was starting to get irritated.

  With a wave of a tentacle, she knocked him over and crossed to the console. "Well, let's just double check that information, shall we?"

  She tapped the keypad and scanned through the details. "No," she said, pulling the now upright Drexyl toward her, "you were right the first time. It was Reptar. And who is it that we have on the planet of Reptar right now? Oh yeah. I believe that would be Kirian, Destroyer of Planets."

  She waved her tentacles around dramatically when repeating Kirian's ridiculous nickname. "Oh yes, I know all about her self-made dark net mythology."

  "What are you going to do?"

  "You know, I threw a tentacle around the throat of a board member who was giving me trouble."

  "Is that legal? Did you kill him?"

  "Well, there it is. That's why you are the smartest assistant I've ever had. Get right down to the heart of the matter, don't you? Anything up to actual death is legal, in fact."

  She laughed. "They really should have gotten a lawyer to look at that thing before signing it. But they were so happy to have a level 678 efficiency being passing through this galaxy.

  "One thing led to another. I said I might be persuaded to take the job, and before long they would have signed just about anything I put in front of them.”

  Happy memories.

  “Anyway, so this guy is turning all sorts of red and purple, and I watched the panic on the faces of the other board members. They’re politically so powerful in this world and yet so fragile. Watching helplessly as their colleague suffered.”

  “What happened next?”

  “Well, they whined to me. ‘It says in your contract you can't kill us’,” she pantomimed their words. "And I smiled. Because," she slipped a tentacle between his legs, "my tentacles are so sensitive and they collect so very much data about everything that they touch, well I could feel his heart beating, all the way back through my own body. Every single beat. It started out strong and steady, but by the end it was thready and weak. Several board members vomited at the sight of it, but the heartbeat was there. I could hear it and I could feel it. I knew that he wasn't, in fact, dead.”

  She paused for a moment. His face had turned a ghastly white. “Drexyl, are you okay?”

  “Fine,” he lied, swallowing. “Go on.”

  “But let me tell you. The looks on their faces, they weren't at all sure he was going to make it. It really is a pity, you know, to let a cowardly weasel like that board member live and kill a useful agent like Kirian."

  "But you can't kill her! You don't even know if she's the one who filed the Intergalactic Inquiry!"

  Soda waved a tentacle around. "Oh, come on. There's no way it wasn't her. That would be an insane coincidence. Who else on Reptar was even capable of that sort of thing?"

  "But why would she possibly file that form? And why now? It doesn't make sense."

  Soda thought about it. True, Kirian was brave but she wasn't that bright.

  "Fine," she said, "I'll investigate it, but just to be clear, I'm going to destroy Reptar. This whole Inquiry thing has to be stopped in its tracks."

  Chapter 17

  The console chimed. It was a sound Ari had heard before. The Neon Octopus. Remembering the Inquiry, a wave of fear hit her. She grabbed Kracken, who happened to be standing nearby and pulled him under the console with her out of sight. Fleek, on the other end of the room, heard it too. He grabbed Carpe and ducked around the corner. Five seconds later, when the familiar handsome face appeared on the screen, Kirian was at her usual chair, feet up on the console.

  "Drexyl," she said.

  "Kirian! You're okay," he exhaled.

  "No thanks to you people. The order said the planet wasn't going to be destroyed. What changed your minds?"

  "Why would you hang around after the mission was completed?" Drexyl shot back.

  A tentacle floated across the screen and wrapped itself around Drexyl's face, muffling whatever he was going to say next.

  Ari stifled a gasp. As she peeked up at the screen from under the console, another figure slid front and center. It was the Octopus Overlord herself. She was a beautiful neon blue.

  In the center of the tentacles was a misshapen head. The head wobbled slightly back and forth continuously, possibly because it was too heavy for the frame supporting it.

  Ari found herself shaking her head back and forth in the exact opposite pattern in a subconscious attempt to cancel it out and keep it still. The movement made her queasy.

  The octopus face eyed Kirian intensely. Kirian returned the gaze. Kirian had neither anger, surprise, nor defiance in her eyes, she was simply returning the creature's gaze without fear. Ari decided to ask Kirian what the trick was to that, because she had never
got the knack.

  "Enough. I ordered the attack on Reptar. I am, as you know, Tttssssorrarrddeehhhhaaaair, Supreme Overseer of the Galaxy. And I have some questions for you, Kirian Destroyer of Planets."

  Ari inched herself up as high as she dared, to get a closer look at the mysterious and notoriously reclusive ruler of the Galaxy. Unless Ari was imagining things, the creature said the last part to Kirian sarcastically. Why try to kill your own employee, then call them up afterward and be snarky? Who does that?

  "Poking around on the dark web, I see. A being of your stature?" Kirian asked, equally as mocking.

  Ari wondered if the two of them had seen each other before. At the bar, it was coming back to her now, Kirian had mentioned killing her.

  "Did you file an Intergalactic Inquiry on Reptar?" The octopus’ gaze took on a new interest, and the bulbous head began to quiver rather than simply wobble.

  "No," Kirian said.

  Drexyl tried to yell something. Ari could almost make it out, but then the tentacle tightened further around his face and neck.

  "But I know who did. I took care of it," Kirian continued. "I killed the being before it could cause more damage. You're welcome. Next time maybe you should ask before destroying the planet."

  Ari watched as the Overlord, still quivering, considered Kirian’s words. If Ari had to guess, this time the quivering would be rage. The whole idea of even trying to read that creature's hideous body language made her insides squirm, possibly even more than the space ship doing flips. She steadied herself, holding on to the leg of a console chair nearby.

  The Overseer seemed to be mulling things over. "You just remember who works for whom here, Kirian," she said. Then she pressed a button with a tentacle on her console.

  An electric buzzing erupted from Kirian's silver bracelet. Kirian’s body tensed, and her teeth clenched. Then she screamed.

  Ari fought back an urge to help. Kirian had covered for her having submitted the Intergalactic Inquiry, but if the Overseer saw her she would know the truth.

  The Overseer released the button. The buzzing stopped and Kirian slumped forward onto the console. Sweat ran from her face and dripped over the console. Ari watched as the Overseer turned toward the purple-faced Drexyl and then the monitor went dead and switched back to a peaceful view of the stars.

  Ari rushed forward to Kirian. Carpe and Fleek came around the corner.

  Ari searched Kirian for a pulse. She found it and breathed a sigh of relief. "You believe she's a Celestial now?" Ari snapped at Carpe.

  Fleek moved forward to help Ari check on Kirian.

  "Let's get her into bed," said Ari, and the two of them gingerly carried her out of the main bridge area down the hall to her room.

  Once that was done, Ari did the only thing she could think of under the circumstances.

  "Ship meeting," she called when she and Fleek had rejoined everyone. The others were sitting in the bridge area of the ship eying each other suspiciously.

  "You can't call a ship meeting," Fleek said, "you've barely been here longer than they have, and this is my ship. I get to call the meetings."

  "You paid for this ship?"

  "Yes."

  "How?" Ari looked at the tall skinny figure with the shaggy blond Mohawk hair, blue lipstick, and ratty ironic t-shirt.

  "None of your business," he said testily.

  "Fine," Ari conceded, "if it’s your ship, then you call the meeting."

  "I will. We're having a meeting. Here on my ship."

  Ari rolled her eyes.

  "Why do we need a meeting?" Fleek whispered to her.

  "Well, it appears we're stuck with these people for now." She eyed Carpe and Kracken. "Is this one of those customizable ships that can add extra space?”

  "Oh," said Fleek. "Good point. I’m pretty sure I paid for that feature."

  Ari knew that the ship right now had three bedrooms, one each for Kirian, Fleek, and Ari. She knew from the internet that higher end space ships often came with on-the-fly customizable floor plans, square footage not being a particularly big issue in space.

  Fleek sat at the console, found the right settings, and tapped out some modifications. It didn't take very long. "There," he said, "two more rooms."

  "Unless you'd like to bunk with me," Carpe said to Ari, adding a wink.

  "I'm good for now, thanks."

  A tsunami of physical and emotional exhaustion washed over Ari, the kind of overwhelming tiredness that came from knowing you should have died twice in the previous few days. There was also the whole thing where she submitted an Intergalactic Inquiry that apparently made her an enemy of the most powerful creature in the Galaxy. Even if the Octopus hadn't figured it out yet, it was just a matter of time.

  All she wanted to do was collapse in her bed. That, and she wanted the door lock to work properly. She wasn't happy about her new ship mates, but this was her reality now and she was going to have to live with it.

  Luckily, she no longer cared about anything but sleep. If anybody was planning on killing her while she slept, hopefully they would at least have the decency to be quiet about it.

  So thinking, she made her way to her new and hopefully temporary room, locked the door, and collapsed into bed.

  Chapter 18

  When Ari finally awoke it was morning and quiet. Her bedside clock told her she’d been asleep for at least ten hours. She wondered if anybody else on the ship was awake. Her head hurt, and her muscles were sore. She sat up and tried to think, but decided against it. Thinking was a bad idea.

  A good idea was to get up and rummage through the galley and find some coffee.

  She quietly unlocked her door and peeked outside into the rest of the ship. Nothing. Still in last night's clothes, she padded out to the galley.

  There weren't very many non-bedroom doors on the craft, so the galley, which was next to the bridge, was easy to find. When she found it, she also found Fleek. He was poking around making coffee.

  “Good morning,” she said, hoping the coffee would taste similar to the delicious brew she’d had on Reptar. On the counter, there was a package of blue powder. She picked it up and inspected it.

  "That's mine," said Fleek, and put the baggie into his robe pocket. He poured them both a large sonic-glass mug of coffee and sat at the table in the corner.

  Ari took the seat next to him. "Sorry I didn’t believe you about owning the ship yesterday," she said, "it’s just that you look more like a…" Ari realized that there was no good way to end the sentence. She trailed off and hoped he wouldn’t’ notice.

  "Like an underground musician?" he offered.

  "What?"

  "Is that what you thought I was?" He beamed at her, exhibiting a level of excitement Ari didn't believe herself capable of this early in the day. "Because that's what I am."

  "Yes," said Ari, grabbing at the opportunity. "That's exactly it. I thought to myself, this guy is obviously an underground musician. But really, there's no money in being an underground musician. So, I was wondering where the money came from. For this ship."

  Ari realized she was being nosy, but it seemed important to know what was going on in the place she was currently living. "I mean, if you don't mind me asking."

  "You really want to know?"

  "Yes," Ari said. “I do.”

  "Careful with that, you might want to slow down," Fleek said, nodding at her coffee. "You don't want to get addicted."

  Ari pointed at the robe pocket he had placed the blue powder into. "You have your addictions, and I have mine."

  He shrugged. "Fair enough. The Blue Pixie I have. It's first rate. You should try some. It would probably do you some good."

  Ari scowled. "No thanks. I'm good as I am."

  They sipped in silence for a while, Ari looking out at the dark, starry, night sky. It was the most peaceful she felt since, well since before the first planet blew up.

  Was this what living in space was like? Peace followed by chaos and terror followed by pea
ce again?

  "So really," Ari said, in case he thought he had distracted her into forgetting. "How did you buy the ship?"

  "I like you." Fleek decided it more than said it. "So, I'll tell you my secret. I'm a very famous hacker. Well, former hacker."

  Ari studied his face, trying to figure out whether he was messing with her or not.

  He held up a hand. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "I don’t look or act like the type. That’s true. But it was something I was always good at. Something I understood. Not the math of it, mind you, but the art of it. The concepts behind the math, you might say. It's like I could sense what people were trying to hide, like the secrets wanted me to find them."

  Ari wondered how much of the Blue Pixie he had ingested and tried very hard not to roll her eyes. Why would he lie, though? It was the most preposterous thing she had ever heard. There was also an earnest persuasiveness about him that she liked.

  "Does Kirian know your secret?"

  "Of course she knows. That's how I bought this ship."

  "It's a very nice ship, by the way," Ari said. "Thank you for letting me stay."

  "You're welcome."

  "So, you modified the whole ship, right on the fly? Added those rooms for everybody. That's really cool."

  "Oh, it's the newest technology," he said, "In fact, if it didn't have the most advanced pre-warp system in the galaxy we'd have never gotten out of range of the last planet’s deletion. That was wild."

  "Yes, it certainly was. I gotta start holding on to things better next time that happens. Wait, you’re a hacker, right?”

  “Was. I’m a musician now. Covered that already.” He took another sip and raised an eyebrow at her. His long blond Mohawk flopped from one shoulder to the other with a gesture of his head that Ari guessed he practiced regularly in the mirror.

  "Look, there's some information I really need. You think you can hack into Kirian's black spy watch?"